Finding My Place

When I joined the cohort, I thought it would help me grow professionally.

I thought I would learn new skills, make some connections, and gain exposure to parts of the business I hadn't seen before.

And I did.

What I didn't expect was how much I would learn about myself.

The Invisible Seat at the Table

I was the only virtual member of the Associate Academy cohort 5.

At first, it didn't seem like a big deal. I told myself that everyone was there for the same reason and that a screen couldn't make that much difference.

But over time, the little moments started to add up.

The side conversations before meetings. The lunches. The jokes in the hallway. The relationships forming naturally between people sharing the same space.

I wasn't there for any of it.

Many days, I would log off and sit in silence, feeling like I was watching everyone else's experience through a window.

I found myself wondering if anyone even noticed I was there.

And if I'm being honest, there were times I started questioning whether I belonged there at all.

Imposter syndrome has a funny way of showing up when you're already feeling alone. It convinces you that everyone else is more prepared, more confident, more capable. It makes you think you're the only one struggling.

Looking back now, I realize I wasn't struggling because I didn't belong.

I was struggling because I was growing.

Learning to Find My Voice

One of the biggest gifts the cohort gave me was confidence.

Not overnight. Not all at once.

Little by little.

The 4 presentations a week forced me out of my comfort zone and into situations where I had to speak up, trust my perspective, and own my ideas.

I wasn't just learning how to give a better presentation.

I was learning that my voice deserved to be heard.

The corporate overview sessions and Tech 101s expanded my understanding of the company, but they also helped me see something bigger.

For the first time, I started to understand where I fit.

Not just in the organization.

In my career.

In my future.

I stopped asking,

And started asking, "What am I capable of becoming?"

The People Who Changed Everything

The presentations we worked on as a group ended up being about so much more than slides and talking points.

They gave me a chance to connect.

To collaborate.

To lean on other people.

Every brainstorming session, every late-night adjustment, every practice run helped build relationships that made me feel less alone.

The funny thing is that some of the people I felt most connected to by the end of the program were people I barely knew when it started.

Those relationships reminded me that belonging isn't something that happens instantly.

It's something you build.

One conversation at a time.

Carrying More Than Anyone Could See

At the same time, life and work didn't pause because I was in a cohort.

Projects still needed attention. Deadlines still existed. Expectations were still high.

There were weeks when I felt pulled in every direction.

Trying to show up for work.

Trying to show up for the cohort.

Trying to show up for myself.

Some days, I was physically present but mentally exhausted.

The constant juggling took a toll.

There were moments when my mental health suffered. Moments when the pressure, distractions, and stress felt heavier than I wanted to admit.

I remember wondering why everyone else seemed to be handling things so much better than I was.

But what I've learned since is that we rarely see the battles other people are fighting.

Everyone was carrying something.

I just hadn't realized it.

Starting Over Again

Then came my rotation.

I thought I had finally found my footing, and suddenly I was stepping into a completely new environment.

A new team.

New expectations.

New challenges.

Meeting the ISR team was exciting, but it was also intimidating.

I wanted to make a good impression. I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to show that I belonged there.

Sound familiar?

It felt a lot like the first day of the cohort.

The difference was that I wasn't the same person anymore.

The person who started the cohort was constantly looking for validation.

The person starting the rotation had begun learning how to trust himself.

I still had questions.

I still felt nervous.

But I no longer needed all the answers before taking the next step.

Finding Myself

When I think about the cohort now, I don't think about the presentations or the assignments first.

I think about the moments nobody saw.

The moments sitting alone after a meeting.

The moments of self-doubt.

The moments of exhaustion.

The moments where quitting would have been easier than continuing.

Because that's where the real growth happened.

Somewhere between feeling isolated and finding connection.

Between feeling like an imposter and finding confidence.

Between trying to fit in and learning to simply be myself.

I started finding who I was.

Not through some big breakthrough moment.

Not through a promotion or a perfect presentation.

But through the quiet realization that I was stronger than I thought.

More capable than I believed.

And worthy of being in every room I walked into.

The cohort helped me grow professionally.

But its greatest gift was much more personal.

It helped me stop looking for proof that I belonged and start believing that I already did.